Are you a jealous person? I’m going to be honest with you. I definitely am. Truth be told, I think we all have been at some point. In fact I believe that jealousy in relationships is a simple fact of life. The question is…how extreme does it get for you? Can you control it or do your jealous fits control you and affect your relationship?When my boyfriend and I broke up, I did all the wrong things in my attempts to get him back. Getting jealous and acting on that jealousy was one of those wrong things.
Fortunately after taking some time and doing some self-reflection, I learned all about what jealousy is and what causes it. After that I was able to work through those issues to help bring my boyfriend back and now have a healthy relationship with him.
Please allow me to share with you some of what I’ve learned to help you avoid making the mistakes I did.
First, much of jealousy stems from fear. It’s based on the thought someone else has the advantage, that you’ll lose a possession, that there is not enough of something to go around, or that you may get cheated on. The examples of these descriptions are when your mate is looking at someone else you might think to be better than you, that your lover, or the love and attention that has been given to you will be taken away, that time spent with the guys or girls will reduce the amount of time you get with your partner, and the obvious one is that you’ll be cheated on.
When we can rationalize what the foundation of jealousy is, it helps us to start tackling the issues that bring about the jealousy in the first place. The biggest issue that I have learned is that jealousy starts when my self esteem is at its lowest. When I don’t feel like I’m good enough for someone to love or that I’m not pretty enough. When I doubt or reject myself in that manner then all I’m left with is fear that my partner won’t want to have anything to do with me. He’ll want someone better, he’ll want to spend time with that person or people other than me, he’ll cheat on me, and eventually I’ll lose him.
I had to reject that self rejection. I had to start believing in myself and believe I am worth someone’s time and attention. I needed to understand that there are millions of beautiful people in the world and I am one of them. Plus, I have a heck of a lot to offer.
When I accepted this truth, that’s when things started to change. I didn’t feel like I was competing with anyone for his time or attention. I knew that there was plenty of time and attention to go around and by having a special place in his heart; I would get my share and more. It was worth it to him to be with me and yet, if he chose not to be, then there was most definitely someone else who would like the chance.
Actually with my new found confidence, being secure in me and my abilities allowed me to see things much more clearly and I found that the things that bothered me before didn’t have the same effect now. And knowing that I’ve dealt with these struggles, I’ve also learned to recognize when the green-eyed monster wants to take over. That’s when I take a breath and sort through what’s happening before simply flying of the handle. As you can imagine, this can make life much easier and our relationship is definitely much better off for it.
And here is where I have to ask you if you’re dealing with jealousy in relationships. If so, maybe it’s time to take a look inside and find out what’s driving the jealousy. Are you okay with you? What are you afraid of?
Start asking some of these questions. Get to the real issues and start working on those. When you can come to an understanding of the cause of jealousy, work through that cause, and even solve some of the problems, that will go a long way in fixing a failing relationship and helping to maintain a healthy one
